My Heart:
DEAD.
Cracked
Hollow
Meaningless
Angry
Scared
Depressed
Hurt
NUMB.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
U
I know what I said before. And I still want you to be happy. I would give my life to see you smile. And if that means moving, then please do it. Don't let me get in your way. I'm afraid to tell you how I feel because I know there is very little, if anything, keeping you where you are. I know, and I get it. But, being selfish for just a moment, I want to keep you with me, but not if it makes you miserable. I truly love you, and you have no idea what I would do for you. I'm terrified of both outcomes of this.. Either you end up very hurt, or you are so blissfully happy that you don't need me anymore. I don't know how to tell you everything that's in my heart, but please...always remember that I LOVE YOU and I will ALWAYS be here.
Q
People say to let it go.
That I'll find a new friend.
But they don't know,
How much you mean to me.
You've seen me through everything
Put up with all my mistakes
And still you are there for me.
You're the girl I can't ever replace.
Now you're off to live your life
You know I wish you well
And I don't want to cause you strife,
but please...don't leave.
That I'll find a new friend.
But they don't know,
How much you mean to me.
You've seen me through everything
Put up with all my mistakes
And still you are there for me.
You're the girl I can't ever replace.
Now you're off to live your life
You know I wish you well
And I don't want to cause you strife,
but please...don't leave.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Scare...
Ok, so we had a scare the other day. I got the IUD put in at my 6 week check up after Felicity was born, but I haven't had any sort of period since the initial bleeding stopped. And then I was taking anti-depressiants for my post-partum depression. Then, about a week and a half ago, I started getting nosebleeds. Which is really weird because I've never had them before. So I thought it was just a one time thing, but then they started happening two or three times a day; and on top of that, I was getting really really nausious. No fever, cough, or sore throat, so I knew it wasn't the flu. Then, the thing that really freaked me out was my sudden craving for fruit. That's how my entire first trimester was with Felicity. Fruit and sickness. So I tried going to planned parenthood (because I have NO faith in at-home tests anymore, since every brand I tried with Felicity turned up negative) but they were conveinetly CLOSED. So I made an appointment with Uncle Burk, hoping that maybe my meds were related to my sudden onset of symptoms. But, nope. So I went into the bathroom, peed in a cup (the one reason I envy men...), and they did a preggo test.
NOT pregnant! I was relieved, yet somehow dissapointed. Chris and I want more kids someday, we know that, and I've really been wanting to be pregnant again...but I could live without the new baby in 9 months...is that weird? I've been really missing having Felicity in my belly, feeling her kicks and wiggles...meh. It'll come one day!
NOT pregnant! I was relieved, yet somehow dissapointed. Chris and I want more kids someday, we know that, and I've really been wanting to be pregnant again...but I could live without the new baby in 9 months...is that weird? I've been really missing having Felicity in my belly, feeling her kicks and wiggles...meh. It'll come one day!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
First Hot Tub Experience!
So today Felicity got to go in our hottub! Dad finally got it all cleaned out and filled up and everything, so while it was heating, Felicity took a nap. But while it was still like 62 degrees, I stuck one of her feet in the water and she pulled her foot back really quick and got this shocked expression on her face like "What the hell was that?!" It was really really cute.
And after she woke up, the hottub was roughly 95 degrees, so it was still pretty cool (since our bodies temperatures are 98.6), I got her dressed in her cute little swimming suit, (it is pink with yellow sunflowers and white ruffles on the butt!), and I got in mine (so weird), and we took a dip! She loved it! And after that we took a bath and got all washed and rinsed and clean! It was really a lot of fun. I'll be posting pictures soon...once I upload them ^^
And after she woke up, the hottub was roughly 95 degrees, so it was still pretty cool (since our bodies temperatures are 98.6), I got her dressed in her cute little swimming suit, (it is pink with yellow sunflowers and white ruffles on the butt!), and I got in mine (so weird), and we took a dip! She loved it! And after that we took a bath and got all washed and rinsed and clean! It was really a lot of fun. I'll be posting pictures soon...once I upload them ^^
Forgot to post April 23...
TODAY FELICITY LAUGHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME!!!! My mom got her to actually laugh! It was sooo cute and adorable...But since then only chris, dad and my mom have been able to get her to laugh...she won't laugh for me or at me...but same thing happens with smiles. *shrug*
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Sickies...oi vey.
Everybody is sick!
It started off with Gio getting sick, then Zayden. I babysat Zay for two days, and then Chris got sick (through me I believe), then my little Felicity got sick...and now I'm sick!! It sucks. I totaly don't feel up to going to work tomorrow.
OH! Forgot. I got a job! At the BEST freakin' coffee place on the island! Churchhill Coffee House!
AND!!!!!! Chris got a full time job at Brownes!! Stuff is starting to fall into place now! Now the only other thing I truly would love to happen is if we were able to get homes-for-islanders. That would be amazing.
Other than sickness....We're ok. Blahness XD I MUST SLEEP NOW! Agh...Trying to sleep is killer when you're sick...I'm so tired I can't sleep....doesn't that suck?!?!
It started off with Gio getting sick, then Zayden. I babysat Zay for two days, and then Chris got sick (through me I believe), then my little Felicity got sick...and now I'm sick!! It sucks. I totaly don't feel up to going to work tomorrow.
OH! Forgot. I got a job! At the BEST freakin' coffee place on the island! Churchhill Coffee House!
AND!!!!!! Chris got a full time job at Brownes!! Stuff is starting to fall into place now! Now the only other thing I truly would love to happen is if we were able to get homes-for-islanders. That would be amazing.
Other than sickness....We're ok. Blahness XD I MUST SLEEP NOW! Agh...Trying to sleep is killer when you're sick...I'm so tired I can't sleep....doesn't that suck?!?!
Monday, March 16, 2009
It's Official
Yup. I have postpartum depression. I had my doc appointment with Uncle Burk today, and he believes that I am "an excellent canidate for postpartum". So now I've got meds to take. One pill once a day, and they won't even kick in for a few weeks, and that's if they work at all. I was given the smallest dose to begin with, and in two weeks, I go back in for a check up to see if they are working even in the slightest.
And Felicity is still kinda sick. Her temp is now in the normal range, (99.3), but she's still pretty fussy, although she hasn't puked up for a while. Hopefully this is the last we will see of that bug!
And Felicity is still kinda sick. Her temp is now in the normal range, (99.3), but she's still pretty fussy, although she hasn't puked up for a while. Hopefully this is the last we will see of that bug!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Stupid Hospital Board Pricks!
So this is the latest dumbass con that the Hospital Board here on the island is coming up with. They want to build a brand new clinic with ER and the like. Here's a letter from a citizen here to the Editor of a newspaper. It documents the horrors of these people.
Dear Editor,
It is time for some frank discussion of the proposed new hospital. While it is true there have been many public meetings to “discuss” the issue, in reality these have been to “sell” the idea. For 2 years we have been told that the Hospital Board was exploring the idea of contracting the running of the hospital, but suddenly we are going to turn the whole thing over to outside interest with a 50 year contract where a large corporation owns the building, the land, the physicians, and the control of the referral process. This will have a multigenerational impact on how healthcare will be provided on the island and is being imposed on the community without a vote. While legal, this is wrong!
Why has the Hospital Board worked so hard to structure a deal that does not need to go to a public vote? They site their survey, but obviously do not believe it. This is the only explanation for why they fear a vote. Trust them, they say. We know better than you. There is no need for a vote. I say this is nonsense. If they believe what they say, put it to a vote.
The project calls for about a 24,500 square foot outpatient clinic, a 5,400 square foot EMS, and a 17,000 square foot 10 bed hospital and ER. In other words approaching 50,000 square feet for 6 physicians and 44.5 Full time employees. This is huge!!! This is almost double the current Convalescent Center, Medical Center, Aid Unit combined. They project 2.6 hospitalized patients a day and 13 Emergency Room visits a day. Is this realistic? I think not. Is it going to cost us, you bet. It should be put to a vote.
How about the benefits for the island? New jobs. True, but for off islanders. The Convalescent center chronically needs to hire from off island. Do we want to subsidize an expansion of the island’s population? Not me. We will see an increased burden on the town’s water system, the need to build and expand roads, the start of more urban sprawl out of the central core and further destruction of the rural character of the Island. This is not my dream. Given the profound impact on our community it should be put to a vote.
“Enhanced reimbursement” is code for charging more. When you add in the increased ER visit cost and “enhanced” reimbursement of outpatient visits, there will be a dramatic increase in the cost of care. Some of this will come from the State and Federal Government, but guess what, it is still your tax dollars and mine which pay for this “enhanced reimbursement”. You add it up, a 50 year taxpayer commitment, increased burden on local infrastructure, increased State and Federal Taxes, increased charges for services and urban sprawl. This is a good deal?
The Million and a Half taxpayer dollars we have been forking over for the last many years is supposed to be for Emergency and enhanced medical services. This should be enough to pay for a dedicated full time ER Physician, extra nurses and support staff, imaging, blood transfusions, outpatient chemo, observation for patients who have self limited problems, etc. Where has the money gone? Undoubtedly improved administration will bring new services, but this should not require a massive infrastructure expansion. Let’s not cover up poor administration with a massive building program. Put it to a vote.
What does Peace Health get? They get 10 million cash up front, an annual subsidy of 1.5 million a year of our tax dollars and a lock on hospital admissions to St. Joes for 50 years. They will own the whole kit and caboodle. A sweet deal. This should be put to a vote.
We are being asked to put the future of our Island’s medical care in the hands of a big corporation. The concept is bigger is better. This is the very thinking that almost led to a 20-30 million dollar expansion of our schools a few years ago. Fortunately this went to a vote. Can you imagine where our school would be if this had gone through. Bigger is not always better. Look at our current national crisis. Our largest corporations supposedly run by our best and brightest provide a sobering lesson. They became “too big to fail” and the taxpayer ended up on the hook for huge sums. This is the risk we are about to take. Do we want to be the smallest cog in a large organization and tie our future to it’s management for the next 50 years? Personally this terrifies me. The building of a Hospital should go to a vote. I call on the Hospital District Board to stop the back room politics and do the right thing. Put this on a ballot.
Roy Babbit
San Juan Island
Dear Editor,
It is time for some frank discussion of the proposed new hospital. While it is true there have been many public meetings to “discuss” the issue, in reality these have been to “sell” the idea. For 2 years we have been told that the Hospital Board was exploring the idea of contracting the running of the hospital, but suddenly we are going to turn the whole thing over to outside interest with a 50 year contract where a large corporation owns the building, the land, the physicians, and the control of the referral process. This will have a multigenerational impact on how healthcare will be provided on the island and is being imposed on the community without a vote. While legal, this is wrong!
Why has the Hospital Board worked so hard to structure a deal that does not need to go to a public vote? They site their survey, but obviously do not believe it. This is the only explanation for why they fear a vote. Trust them, they say. We know better than you. There is no need for a vote. I say this is nonsense. If they believe what they say, put it to a vote.
The project calls for about a 24,500 square foot outpatient clinic, a 5,400 square foot EMS, and a 17,000 square foot 10 bed hospital and ER. In other words approaching 50,000 square feet for 6 physicians and 44.5 Full time employees. This is huge!!! This is almost double the current Convalescent Center, Medical Center, Aid Unit combined. They project 2.6 hospitalized patients a day and 13 Emergency Room visits a day. Is this realistic? I think not. Is it going to cost us, you bet. It should be put to a vote.
How about the benefits for the island? New jobs. True, but for off islanders. The Convalescent center chronically needs to hire from off island. Do we want to subsidize an expansion of the island’s population? Not me. We will see an increased burden on the town’s water system, the need to build and expand roads, the start of more urban sprawl out of the central core and further destruction of the rural character of the Island. This is not my dream. Given the profound impact on our community it should be put to a vote.
“Enhanced reimbursement” is code for charging more. When you add in the increased ER visit cost and “enhanced” reimbursement of outpatient visits, there will be a dramatic increase in the cost of care. Some of this will come from the State and Federal Government, but guess what, it is still your tax dollars and mine which pay for this “enhanced reimbursement”. You add it up, a 50 year taxpayer commitment, increased burden on local infrastructure, increased State and Federal Taxes, increased charges for services and urban sprawl. This is a good deal?
The Million and a Half taxpayer dollars we have been forking over for the last many years is supposed to be for Emergency and enhanced medical services. This should be enough to pay for a dedicated full time ER Physician, extra nurses and support staff, imaging, blood transfusions, outpatient chemo, observation for patients who have self limited problems, etc. Where has the money gone? Undoubtedly improved administration will bring new services, but this should not require a massive infrastructure expansion. Let’s not cover up poor administration with a massive building program. Put it to a vote.
What does Peace Health get? They get 10 million cash up front, an annual subsidy of 1.5 million a year of our tax dollars and a lock on hospital admissions to St. Joes for 50 years. They will own the whole kit and caboodle. A sweet deal. This should be put to a vote.
We are being asked to put the future of our Island’s medical care in the hands of a big corporation. The concept is bigger is better. This is the very thinking that almost led to a 20-30 million dollar expansion of our schools a few years ago. Fortunately this went to a vote. Can you imagine where our school would be if this had gone through. Bigger is not always better. Look at our current national crisis. Our largest corporations supposedly run by our best and brightest provide a sobering lesson. They became “too big to fail” and the taxpayer ended up on the hook for huge sums. This is the risk we are about to take. Do we want to be the smallest cog in a large organization and tie our future to it’s management for the next 50 years? Personally this terrifies me. The building of a Hospital should go to a vote. I call on the Hospital District Board to stop the back room politics and do the right thing. Put this on a ballot.
Roy Babbit
San Juan Island
Friday the 13th
So today hasn't been all that bad for me...but as for Felicity and Chris, that's another story.
Felicity still has a fever, it's only gone down .1 degrees since yesterday, so I'm going to check it again at 8pm tonight to see if she still has a fever, and if so, more tylenol!
Chris has had it harder...This morning he broke the water pipe that is out front of our door to the room and got a cut on his knuckle. Then, while he was in making a fire, he went to break a peice of kindling, and got a huge sliver halfway through his pinky, so big, that when he pushed on it, you could see the other side of his finger move. So dad rushed him over to Uncle Burks office and had him take it out (because apperently it was bent in his finger). So chris got a bandaid of gauze tied around his finger, and a slew of shots ranging from tetnis to whooping cough.
So please pray for my beat up hubby and sick babe.
Felicity still has a fever, it's only gone down .1 degrees since yesterday, so I'm going to check it again at 8pm tonight to see if she still has a fever, and if so, more tylenol!
Chris has had it harder...This morning he broke the water pipe that is out front of our door to the room and got a cut on his knuckle. Then, while he was in making a fire, he went to break a peice of kindling, and got a huge sliver halfway through his pinky, so big, that when he pushed on it, you could see the other side of his finger move. So dad rushed him over to Uncle Burks office and had him take it out (because apperently it was bent in his finger). So chris got a bandaid of gauze tied around his finger, and a slew of shots ranging from tetnis to whooping cough.
So please pray for my beat up hubby and sick babe.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Dr.'s Appointments
So I have an appointment with Uncle Burk at 2:30 Monday afternoon.
But today, Felicity had an appointment with Dr. Fishaute(can never remember how to spell his name) because last night she had projectile vomiting. And when I say projectile, that's exactly what I mean. It was like a canon! It shot the length of her body. She's always had trouble breathing after spitting up, but last night it was really bad. She did that twice, and it really sucked. We gave her some of the infant non-asprin tylenol stuff (which she really doesn't like), and that made her drowsy enough to sleep, but needless to say it was a long night.
I think that she may have something like GER, (gastroesophical reflux), because except for poor weight gain, she has shown those 'symptoms' since birth. But Dr. Fishaute thinks that it might just be a flu bug or something. So we're going to feed her less amounts, but more often, so maybe that will help her...the Gripe Water certainly hasn't helped. Except for hiccups, that stuff is amazing for hiccups...
She's got another appointment for her shots and stuff at the end of the month, so I'll update about that when the time comes.
But today, Felicity had an appointment with Dr. Fishaute(can never remember how to spell his name) because last night she had projectile vomiting. And when I say projectile, that's exactly what I mean. It was like a canon! It shot the length of her body. She's always had trouble breathing after spitting up, but last night it was really bad. She did that twice, and it really sucked. We gave her some of the infant non-asprin tylenol stuff (which she really doesn't like), and that made her drowsy enough to sleep, but needless to say it was a long night.
I think that she may have something like GER, (gastroesophical reflux), because except for poor weight gain, she has shown those 'symptoms' since birth. But Dr. Fishaute thinks that it might just be a flu bug or something. So we're going to feed her less amounts, but more often, so maybe that will help her...the Gripe Water certainly hasn't helped. Except for hiccups, that stuff is amazing for hiccups...
She's got another appointment for her shots and stuff at the end of the month, so I'll update about that when the time comes.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Post Partum Depression
So it's almost official. I had a meeting with a woman today, and we talked for just about 2 hours, and since she is a mental health nurse, who on a daily basis meets with post-partum women, and she believes that I have post partum depression.
Not that that comes as a surprise to me. I had the blues for a while after Felicity was born, but I thought it would go away, that I would snap out of it one day. When it didn't go away, I chopped up my constant feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and unbelievable sadness to situational stuff, like my brother, parents...you know, everyday stuff.
But I guess it isn't situational or circumstancial. So she is sending a referral to Dr. Gossom and tomorrow I'm going to call to make an appointment to talk to him, to see if he thinks that she's right...
More updated tomorrow I guess.
Not that that comes as a surprise to me. I had the blues for a while after Felicity was born, but I thought it would go away, that I would snap out of it one day. When it didn't go away, I chopped up my constant feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and unbelievable sadness to situational stuff, like my brother, parents...you know, everyday stuff.
But I guess it isn't situational or circumstancial. So she is sending a referral to Dr. Gossom and tomorrow I'm going to call to make an appointment to talk to him, to see if he thinks that she's right...
More updated tomorrow I guess.
Her first fall.
I really don't want to relive this, but for documentations sake, I should.
The Sunday before my birthday, Felicity had a really bad day. Well, so did I really. We were getting ready for church, and everybody was up and about. I had just fed her, and was walking around the living room grabbing stuff and throwing it into the diaper bag while attempting to get a burp out of her.
And oh yes, I got the burp. Along with half her breakfast. Luckily it didn't get on my shirt, but instead just ran down the inside and went inside my bra. So I set Felicity down quickly on the couch away from edge and ran into the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel. I wiped my cleavage clean and as I turned around with the paper towel still in my shirt, I saw her roll.
It happened so fast, but yet so slow. She rolled off of the couch. I leaped forward, and I vaguely recall shouting "Oh my god!". But I wasn't quick enough to catch her. She hit the ground (luckily it was only about a foot drop, but still.) and she began wailing like I had never heard her scream before. I scooped her up just as my mom and dad raced into the room. I was on the floor sobbing uncontrollably with her cradled tightly against me. Dad told me it was ok and that it was a good sign she was crying. He finally pried her out of my arms and checked her over (since he was an EMT). He told me that she was fine, that it just scared her. He gave her back to me and tried to calm me down. We both calmed down just in time to get her in the car seat and hit the road to church.
And then after we got back from church, I gave her a bottle, and she sucked so hard on it that she got too much in her mouth and the poor girl choked! *She does that a lot...she forgets to swallow, or tries to breath and swallow at the same time...etc*
And my bad day didn't end there. I found that my Zen *an mp3 player* had been stolen. And the thing is, I know who did it. But since they won't admit it and won't give it back, I filed a police report, so now they will face charges when it's found in their posession. And believe me, I will file charges.
The Sunday before my birthday, Felicity had a really bad day. Well, so did I really. We were getting ready for church, and everybody was up and about. I had just fed her, and was walking around the living room grabbing stuff and throwing it into the diaper bag while attempting to get a burp out of her.
And oh yes, I got the burp. Along with half her breakfast. Luckily it didn't get on my shirt, but instead just ran down the inside and went inside my bra. So I set Felicity down quickly on the couch away from edge and ran into the kitchen and grabbed a paper towel. I wiped my cleavage clean and as I turned around with the paper towel still in my shirt, I saw her roll.
It happened so fast, but yet so slow. She rolled off of the couch. I leaped forward, and I vaguely recall shouting "Oh my god!". But I wasn't quick enough to catch her. She hit the ground (luckily it was only about a foot drop, but still.) and she began wailing like I had never heard her scream before. I scooped her up just as my mom and dad raced into the room. I was on the floor sobbing uncontrollably with her cradled tightly against me. Dad told me it was ok and that it was a good sign she was crying. He finally pried her out of my arms and checked her over (since he was an EMT). He told me that she was fine, that it just scared her. He gave her back to me and tried to calm me down. We both calmed down just in time to get her in the car seat and hit the road to church.
And then after we got back from church, I gave her a bottle, and she sucked so hard on it that she got too much in her mouth and the poor girl choked! *She does that a lot...she forgets to swallow, or tries to breath and swallow at the same time...etc*
And my bad day didn't end there. I found that my Zen *an mp3 player* had been stolen. And the thing is, I know who did it. But since they won't admit it and won't give it back, I filed a police report, so now they will face charges when it's found in their posession. And believe me, I will file charges.
Our Amazing Daughter
So these are some of the very awesome things that our only 7 week old daughter Felicity has achieved.
Right out of the womb she was holding up her head. Not for very long, but still. Better than a lot of babies! And so now, she's holding it up like, all the time, and for several minutes at a time!
She's starting to roll over onto her side when she's on her tummy, and from there she can roll onto her back. She doesn't do it often, mainly when she thinks we arn't looking. Mischeivious little girl ^^
And my birthday, which was March 2, she gave me the most wonderful gift anybody, especially a mother, could ask for: She slept through the night! She slept from about 1:30am to 6:30am!She has been sleeping through the night ever since, and her longest stretch was just the night before last, she slept 7 hours! Absolutely incredible.
Her favorite thing to do right now is copy us. She will copy the sound "hi" and "ooo". Haha, and if you stick your tongue out at her, she will frown, then stick hers back at you!
She is the best baby anybody could ask for, and we are truly blessed. (Not to mention I've been wearing my pre-baby clothes for 4 weeks now ^^)
Right out of the womb she was holding up her head. Not for very long, but still. Better than a lot of babies! And so now, she's holding it up like, all the time, and for several minutes at a time!
She's starting to roll over onto her side when she's on her tummy, and from there she can roll onto her back. She doesn't do it often, mainly when she thinks we arn't looking. Mischeivious little girl ^^
And my birthday, which was March 2, she gave me the most wonderful gift anybody, especially a mother, could ask for: She slept through the night! She slept from about 1:30am to 6:30am!She has been sleeping through the night ever since, and her longest stretch was just the night before last, she slept 7 hours! Absolutely incredible.
Her favorite thing to do right now is copy us. She will copy the sound "hi" and "ooo". Haha, and if you stick your tongue out at her, she will frown, then stick hers back at you!
She is the best baby anybody could ask for, and we are truly blessed. (Not to mention I've been wearing my pre-baby clothes for 4 weeks now ^^)
Our Preterm-Labor Scares
So on Friday, December 12th, I had an appointment with my Dr at 2:00. Chris and I decided to take the 8am ferry anyway so we could do some shopping for Christmas and still make the 5pm boat back. So we got on the ferry, and once we pulled into the dock in Anacortes, we decided to go to Safeway first, because I had to get some things for a couple holiday recipies I wanted to make. But once we got into the store, I began having contractions. Well, my contactions, even the Braxton Hicks ones, have hurt, so I didn't pay any mind to them. We started shopping, and they didn't go away. While we were looking for dipping chocolate, I had a really really bad contraction. It hurt quite a bit, so much so that I had to lean on Chris to keep from falling to the floor. But since I've had that before and it wasn't "real" I still didn't pay it any mind. We got our stuff then headed over and had breakfast at McDonalds. I had a few more in there, but they didn't hurt nearly as bad as they did in Safeway, so I chalked it up to being Braxton Hicks.
After breakfast, we headed out to Burlington to shop for Christmas presents. Since we took my car, I was driving. We first stopped at JoAnns. While there, I had several more contractions, but since those didn't hurt as bad, I continued to ignore them. Once we got out of JoAnns, we headed across the street to a game store. We were in there for no more than 5 minutes, when I was hit with contractions that hurt so bad, I was unable to do anything but sit on the floor and try to remember how to breathe. Once I was able to stand, I told Chris I was going to go and sit in the car. While I was in there, my dad called and asked if we would be able to go and get his meds from my grandfather up in Bellingham. We agreed and were soon on our way up there.
We made our way there, grabbed his meds, along with the Christmas gifts that my grandfather and aunt got us, and headed back. But once we hit the interstate, I had even more very painful contractions. But since I was driving, I didn't let Chris know I was in pain until they became pretty unbearable. But even then, I continued to drive back to Anacortes and towards the Hospital where my appointment was. After sitting in the car for a minute, Chris helped me out and we slowly made our way towards the door. Since there was construction, we had to go and park in the Emergency entrace parking lot, and so we had to walk across the hospital to where my Dr is. We passed the nurses at the emergency registration desk, and since I was in pain, I was clutching my belly and had a frown on my face. As we walked by, one of the nurses asked if we needed help, and we responded by saying we had an appointment with my Dr and that we were fine.
So we went over, told the receptionist that we were there, and almost instantly, a nurse came out and led us to a room. She asked how we were doing, and I told her that I was in quite a bit of pain. She looked at me with a frown on her face and asked, "Well, what does it feel like?" So I told her that it felt like I had a corset around my stomach that was pulled all the way tight, and at the same time the muscles all around my back and stomach were bring ripped apart. She frowned even more and pushed around on my stomach. She told me to go leave a urine sample (which they ask for every time), so I did. When I came back, she took my blood pressure which was a little high. She said she was going to go get my Dr. and that I needed to strip from the waist down. Once she left, I stripped and sat back down on the bench. 30 seconds later my Dr came in and told me to lie back. I did, and she examined my cervix. Then she stood up and looked at me with a very concerned frown and said, "You are 50% effaced. We need to get you over to Labor & Delivery right now." So she told us to go back down the hallway and that she would meet us down there. So I put my pants back on, and Chris helped me down back towards the emergency entrance.
When we got there, the same nurse that asked if we were ok earlier, came over and asked if we needed help. This time, we said that my Dr sent us down here to register and go to Labor and Delivery. I was pretty much close to tears by that point. The nurse freaked and told me to take a seat. I did so gladly. She asked my name, then asked if March 2nd was my birthday, and a few other things, and when I responded Yes, she asked me to sign a peice of paper and to give it to one of the nurses. Then she asked if I knew where the birthing center was. Well, I had no clue whatsoever. So she got up and apologized to the two men who were waiting behind us, and once they saw that I was pregnant, they said "No problem". She led us down the LONGEST hallway ever, and then flashed her name tag, and the doors opened up automatically. She showed us through, and once we walked in, a nurse asked if I was Elizabeth, and I said Yes. She smiled and led us to a room straight ahead (which I appreciated). She laid a sheet on the bed, and put a couple of pillows on it. Then she began to explain what the monitors she was putting on me were for.
She wrapped two elastic bands around my stomach and said that the one on top was to monitor my contractions, and the bottom one was to monitor the babies heart rate. Then she stuck a plastic thing on my finger and said that that was to monitor my blood/oxygen level. Then she stuck a blood pressure wrap on my arm and measured my blood pressure. She stood around for a minute and watched the monitor spew out paper, and then, with a look of surprise on her face, asked how far along I was, and I said 32 weeks. Then she looked at me and said, "Well, you really are having contractions!" I really wanted to shout "Uh, YEAH!"
So she said that she would be back in about 20 minutes. So she left and I was freaking out. But, compared to Chris, I was calm. When the 20 minutes were up, she came back and looked at the paper. She frown and said, "Well you are still having contractions. (again, DUH) So we are going to give you a shot to hopefully stop them." So she brought out a packet that contained a needle, and a tiny brown bottle. Well, I'm trypanophobic, so just seeing the paper wrapper that held the needle freaked me out. So as she was explaining the side effects of the drug, I turned my head and was focused on breaking Chris's fingers by squeezing them. (xD) So some of the side effects are: Speeding heart, shortness of breath, light headedness, dizziness, and nausia. (Greeeaaattt)
So she stuck me and I know I heard my skin SNAP as the needle went through my skin. And FUCK IT STUNG. She told me it would, but FUCK! So then she asked if I was feeling ok, and at that point, I was fine. So she said she would be back in another 20 minutes. And as soon as that door shut behind her, my heart jumped up to 120 bpm. It instantly felt like I had just run a marathon. It was hard to breathe, my head was spinning, and my heart hurt from beating so fast. And with my heart murmur, I was afraid that it would be too much for it to handle.
In 20 minutes, she came back, looked again at the monitor and said that I was still having contractions. So she introduced to me a little yellow pill called Nifidapine. She said that it was a fast acting pill that used to be for the heart, to relax the heart before a patient was to go into heart surgery. And apperently it works on the uterus too. She said that they could give me a max of 4 pills, and if they didn't stop my contractions, then they would have to have my Dr come in and we would have to come up with another course of action.
So I took the first one and she left for another 20 minutes. Still having contractions.
So I took the second one and she left for 20 more minutes. Still having contractions.
Then came the third pill. By this time, I was really starting to freak out. Being the obsessive-perfectionist-know-it-all that I am, I knew that at 32 weeks, her (meaning my baby) lungs wern't developed enough to breathe on her own, and she would be TINY, barely 4 pounds. I knew that she would be in the NICU for several weeks, and that scared the crap out of me. But even after the third pill, I was still contracting.
Around this time, I was informed that I was on the prayer list at my Church, and that meant that half the island knew that I was in the hospital. And I was also informed that my Dr was in the room RIGHT NEXT TO MINE delivering twins.
So the nurse came back into the room and said that it was time for me to take the 4th pill. So I took it. 20 minutes later, she came back in with my Dr and my Dr said that I was still contracting, but they were small enough that I could go home, but she was going to have a nurse call in two meds into the nearest Walgreens, and that those meds should keep the contractions down and keep them from sending me into preterm labor again. She said that they were going to stop them until I was 35 weeks, then I could go off the meds and go into labor whenever my body decided.
So we were discharged and Chris and I went and got my drugs, stopped by mcdonalds for food, then headed to the ferry. We got on the 8:25 boat, and made our way home.
So after that, the Friday before Christmas, I had another appointment with my doctor to check up on me. Well, when she checked my cervix, I was 75% effaced. O_O
I was then put on major bedrest (I'm allowed to get up and pee...that's pretty much it...) and she told me that I had to make it to at least 35 weeks, which was the Saturday after Christmas. (the 27th, for those of you who can't count past Christmas XD).
And she upped my dosage for the drugs she gave me...and I took them every six hours instead of every twelve like I was.
Oh, and another source of concern...my baby girls head is down VERY low....I know this because 1) Doc said so 2) She was punching my cervix 3) I could feel her down there...not sure if I'm feeling her head or shoulders, but it was really weird having her so close to coming out.
So on January 22nd, my little angel was born. It was actually a cool story.On the 21st, I woke up at like, 2am having really painful contractions, and these were just like the other ones I've had, but for some reason, something in my head told me it was different. So I woke up Chris and said "I think I'm in labor." He was immedietly awake.We waddled into the main house and went into the bathroom where Chris drew me a warm bath and I sat in there in a while, hoping to either relax until the contractions were close together or to make them stop. At about 4-5 am Chris dropped a candle which made a loud bang, and that woke up my moms dog Emi (who sleeps with my mom). So Emi began barking because she though somebody was in her house, and it woke up mom. Chris went out and told mom what was going on, so she got dressed and at around 7am, she started calling for weather. I got out of the bath and was sitting on the couch in a considerable amount of pain. Since my moms a pilot, we didn't have much to worry about.BUT. Friday Harbor was clear, meaning no fog, and so was Bellingham. But Anacortes wasn't reporting their weather, and my Hospital is in Anacortes. Bellingham is one hour away (driving) from Anacortes. So we decided that we would fly, but we would buzz by Anacortes to see how bad it was. Once we got up into the sky, you could see fog for miles. But the morning was just so gorgeous.We flew up above all the clouds and fog, and the sun was still painting the sky in sunrise colors...oranges, pinks, reds...it was gorgeous. And Mt Baker was truly breathtaking. I stared at the sight in wonder. My little girl was going to be born on the most beautiful day I've seen in a long time.So we flew towards Anacortes, and all of a sudden, mom shouts "YES!" She could see the ferry landing! There was fog EVERYWHERE except for the ferry dock and the airport. Talk about a God thing.So we landed, got everything unloaded, and headed to the hospital. When I got there I was about 3 centimeters. So they hooked me up to the monitor. That was at about 10:30-11 in the morning. Then we went and walked around the hospital. Mom and Chris were helping me along and would hold me up when a contraction would hit me. At about 4pm, My doctor came and broke my water. We kept walking around and they checked me again at like 11 pm. Since I was at a "loose 4" they gave me pitocin and an epidural. I went to sleep before I even started to feel the drugs kick in. A nurse came in and woke me up at about 1:30am and checked me. I was at 9. She ran off and got my doc, while I woke Chris up and told him to get my parents. At about 2 they came in and about 2:30 my doctor checked me, and said I was at ten, and her head was ready to pop out!So they kicked my brothers and dad out of the room, and my mom held my left leg, a nurse held my right, and Chris was holding my hand. My doctor told me as soon as I felt pressure to push, so I did. She was born at 3:08am.
After breakfast, we headed out to Burlington to shop for Christmas presents. Since we took my car, I was driving. We first stopped at JoAnns. While there, I had several more contractions, but since those didn't hurt as bad, I continued to ignore them. Once we got out of JoAnns, we headed across the street to a game store. We were in there for no more than 5 minutes, when I was hit with contractions that hurt so bad, I was unable to do anything but sit on the floor and try to remember how to breathe. Once I was able to stand, I told Chris I was going to go and sit in the car. While I was in there, my dad called and asked if we would be able to go and get his meds from my grandfather up in Bellingham. We agreed and were soon on our way up there.
We made our way there, grabbed his meds, along with the Christmas gifts that my grandfather and aunt got us, and headed back. But once we hit the interstate, I had even more very painful contractions. But since I was driving, I didn't let Chris know I was in pain until they became pretty unbearable. But even then, I continued to drive back to Anacortes and towards the Hospital where my appointment was. After sitting in the car for a minute, Chris helped me out and we slowly made our way towards the door. Since there was construction, we had to go and park in the Emergency entrace parking lot, and so we had to walk across the hospital to where my Dr is. We passed the nurses at the emergency registration desk, and since I was in pain, I was clutching my belly and had a frown on my face. As we walked by, one of the nurses asked if we needed help, and we responded by saying we had an appointment with my Dr and that we were fine.
So we went over, told the receptionist that we were there, and almost instantly, a nurse came out and led us to a room. She asked how we were doing, and I told her that I was in quite a bit of pain. She looked at me with a frown on her face and asked, "Well, what does it feel like?" So I told her that it felt like I had a corset around my stomach that was pulled all the way tight, and at the same time the muscles all around my back and stomach were bring ripped apart. She frowned even more and pushed around on my stomach. She told me to go leave a urine sample (which they ask for every time), so I did. When I came back, she took my blood pressure which was a little high. She said she was going to go get my Dr. and that I needed to strip from the waist down. Once she left, I stripped and sat back down on the bench. 30 seconds later my Dr came in and told me to lie back. I did, and she examined my cervix. Then she stood up and looked at me with a very concerned frown and said, "You are 50% effaced. We need to get you over to Labor & Delivery right now." So she told us to go back down the hallway and that she would meet us down there. So I put my pants back on, and Chris helped me down back towards the emergency entrance.
When we got there, the same nurse that asked if we were ok earlier, came over and asked if we needed help. This time, we said that my Dr sent us down here to register and go to Labor and Delivery. I was pretty much close to tears by that point. The nurse freaked and told me to take a seat. I did so gladly. She asked my name, then asked if March 2nd was my birthday, and a few other things, and when I responded Yes, she asked me to sign a peice of paper and to give it to one of the nurses. Then she asked if I knew where the birthing center was. Well, I had no clue whatsoever. So she got up and apologized to the two men who were waiting behind us, and once they saw that I was pregnant, they said "No problem". She led us down the LONGEST hallway ever, and then flashed her name tag, and the doors opened up automatically. She showed us through, and once we walked in, a nurse asked if I was Elizabeth, and I said Yes. She smiled and led us to a room straight ahead (which I appreciated). She laid a sheet on the bed, and put a couple of pillows on it. Then she began to explain what the monitors she was putting on me were for.
She wrapped two elastic bands around my stomach and said that the one on top was to monitor my contractions, and the bottom one was to monitor the babies heart rate. Then she stuck a plastic thing on my finger and said that that was to monitor my blood/oxygen level. Then she stuck a blood pressure wrap on my arm and measured my blood pressure. She stood around for a minute and watched the monitor spew out paper, and then, with a look of surprise on her face, asked how far along I was, and I said 32 weeks. Then she looked at me and said, "Well, you really are having contractions!" I really wanted to shout "Uh, YEAH!"
So she said that she would be back in about 20 minutes. So she left and I was freaking out. But, compared to Chris, I was calm. When the 20 minutes were up, she came back and looked at the paper. She frown and said, "Well you are still having contractions. (again, DUH) So we are going to give you a shot to hopefully stop them." So she brought out a packet that contained a needle, and a tiny brown bottle. Well, I'm trypanophobic, so just seeing the paper wrapper that held the needle freaked me out. So as she was explaining the side effects of the drug, I turned my head and was focused on breaking Chris's fingers by squeezing them. (xD) So some of the side effects are: Speeding heart, shortness of breath, light headedness, dizziness, and nausia. (Greeeaaattt)
So she stuck me and I know I heard my skin SNAP as the needle went through my skin. And FUCK IT STUNG. She told me it would, but FUCK! So then she asked if I was feeling ok, and at that point, I was fine. So she said she would be back in another 20 minutes. And as soon as that door shut behind her, my heart jumped up to 120 bpm. It instantly felt like I had just run a marathon. It was hard to breathe, my head was spinning, and my heart hurt from beating so fast. And with my heart murmur, I was afraid that it would be too much for it to handle.
In 20 minutes, she came back, looked again at the monitor and said that I was still having contractions. So she introduced to me a little yellow pill called Nifidapine. She said that it was a fast acting pill that used to be for the heart, to relax the heart before a patient was to go into heart surgery. And apperently it works on the uterus too. She said that they could give me a max of 4 pills, and if they didn't stop my contractions, then they would have to have my Dr come in and we would have to come up with another course of action.
So I took the first one and she left for another 20 minutes. Still having contractions.
So I took the second one and she left for 20 more minutes. Still having contractions.
Then came the third pill. By this time, I was really starting to freak out. Being the obsessive-perfectionist-know-it-all that I am, I knew that at 32 weeks, her (meaning my baby) lungs wern't developed enough to breathe on her own, and she would be TINY, barely 4 pounds. I knew that she would be in the NICU for several weeks, and that scared the crap out of me. But even after the third pill, I was still contracting.
Around this time, I was informed that I was on the prayer list at my Church, and that meant that half the island knew that I was in the hospital. And I was also informed that my Dr was in the room RIGHT NEXT TO MINE delivering twins.
So the nurse came back into the room and said that it was time for me to take the 4th pill. So I took it. 20 minutes later, she came back in with my Dr and my Dr said that I was still contracting, but they were small enough that I could go home, but she was going to have a nurse call in two meds into the nearest Walgreens, and that those meds should keep the contractions down and keep them from sending me into preterm labor again. She said that they were going to stop them until I was 35 weeks, then I could go off the meds and go into labor whenever my body decided.
So we were discharged and Chris and I went and got my drugs, stopped by mcdonalds for food, then headed to the ferry. We got on the 8:25 boat, and made our way home.
So after that, the Friday before Christmas, I had another appointment with my doctor to check up on me. Well, when she checked my cervix, I was 75% effaced. O_O
I was then put on major bedrest (I'm allowed to get up and pee...that's pretty much it...) and she told me that I had to make it to at least 35 weeks, which was the Saturday after Christmas. (the 27th, for those of you who can't count past Christmas XD).
And she upped my dosage for the drugs she gave me...and I took them every six hours instead of every twelve like I was.
Oh, and another source of concern...my baby girls head is down VERY low....I know this because 1) Doc said so 2) She was punching my cervix 3) I could feel her down there...not sure if I'm feeling her head or shoulders, but it was really weird having her so close to coming out.
So on January 22nd, my little angel was born. It was actually a cool story.On the 21st, I woke up at like, 2am having really painful contractions, and these were just like the other ones I've had, but for some reason, something in my head told me it was different. So I woke up Chris and said "I think I'm in labor." He was immedietly awake.We waddled into the main house and went into the bathroom where Chris drew me a warm bath and I sat in there in a while, hoping to either relax until the contractions were close together or to make them stop. At about 4-5 am Chris dropped a candle which made a loud bang, and that woke up my moms dog Emi (who sleeps with my mom). So Emi began barking because she though somebody was in her house, and it woke up mom. Chris went out and told mom what was going on, so she got dressed and at around 7am, she started calling for weather. I got out of the bath and was sitting on the couch in a considerable amount of pain. Since my moms a pilot, we didn't have much to worry about.BUT. Friday Harbor was clear, meaning no fog, and so was Bellingham. But Anacortes wasn't reporting their weather, and my Hospital is in Anacortes. Bellingham is one hour away (driving) from Anacortes. So we decided that we would fly, but we would buzz by Anacortes to see how bad it was. Once we got up into the sky, you could see fog for miles. But the morning was just so gorgeous.We flew up above all the clouds and fog, and the sun was still painting the sky in sunrise colors...oranges, pinks, reds...it was gorgeous. And Mt Baker was truly breathtaking. I stared at the sight in wonder. My little girl was going to be born on the most beautiful day I've seen in a long time.So we flew towards Anacortes, and all of a sudden, mom shouts "YES!" She could see the ferry landing! There was fog EVERYWHERE except for the ferry dock and the airport. Talk about a God thing.So we landed, got everything unloaded, and headed to the hospital. When I got there I was about 3 centimeters. So they hooked me up to the monitor. That was at about 10:30-11 in the morning. Then we went and walked around the hospital. Mom and Chris were helping me along and would hold me up when a contraction would hit me. At about 4pm, My doctor came and broke my water. We kept walking around and they checked me again at like 11 pm. Since I was at a "loose 4" they gave me pitocin and an epidural. I went to sleep before I even started to feel the drugs kick in. A nurse came in and woke me up at about 1:30am and checked me. I was at 9. She ran off and got my doc, while I woke Chris up and told him to get my parents. At about 2 they came in and about 2:30 my doctor checked me, and said I was at ten, and her head was ready to pop out!So they kicked my brothers and dad out of the room, and my mom held my left leg, a nurse held my right, and Chris was holding my hand. My doctor told me as soon as I felt pressure to push, so I did. She was born at 3:08am.
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